My Lovely Wife,
I’m writing you this sincere letter to advise you that I’ve decided to leave you indefinitely. After seven years of marriage, it is clear that, despite my constant commitment to our relationship, I have not gotten the reciprocation I hoped for.
These last two weeks have been really difficult for me. When your manager informed me that you had unexpectedly quit from your job today, I reached my breaking point.
I went out of my way just a few weeks ago to make your favorite dinner, get a new haircut, and even treat myself to a new pair of boxers. When you got home from work, you didn’t even acknowledge your efforts.
You hurried through your supper, became immersed in your television dramas, and immediately headed to bed. You appear to be uninterested in closeness or displaying your affection for me in any way.
The sad reality is that you no longer care about me. The consequence is the same whether you are unfaithful or just no longer in love. As a result, I must conclude that our relationship is irreparable, and I have decided to depart.
Your former husband
P.S. Please do not attempt to locate me. Carla, I have decided to move to West Virginia with your sister. I send you my best wishes and hope that you find happiness in your life.
Dear Mr. Ex-Husband,
Your note, believe it or not, has unexpectedly improved my day. Yes, we were married for seven years, but your notion of a wonderful spouse is vastly different from mine.
Because our relationship appears to be beyond repair, I find refuge in watching my favorite TV shows, which give an escape from your constant complaints and moaning.
I saw your new haircut, but I was trained to believe in the adage, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I decided to keep my thoughts to myself because my first impression was that it made you seem like a lady. As a result, I avoided remarking on your haircut.
You appeared to have forgotten that I quit eating pork seven years ago when you cooked my favorite meal. Instead, you prepared my sister’s favorite meal. You appear to have overlooked my dietary choices.
I refrained from remarking on your new boxers because they still had the price tag attached, indicating that they were a recent purchase. Surprisingly, my close sister Carla borrowed $50 from me on the same day. I’m hoping this was just a coincidence.
Despite everything, I cared for you and sincerely loved you. I clung to the notion that we might salvage our friendship. However, fate had other plans for them.
I occurred to win a $15 million lottery prize, which prompted me to quit my work and buy two tickets to Hawaii for us.
But, sadly, you were already gone when I got home with the wonderful news. Everything, I think, occurs for a reason. I genuinely hope you find the life you’ve always wanted.
According to my attorney, the letter you wrote assures that you will not receive a penny of my newfound money. With that, I bid you farewell and best wishes.
Liberated and Wealthy Ex-Wife
P.S. I don’t think I ever mentioned it, but my darling sister Carla was born Carl. I hope this revelation does not cause you any problems.